In 1811, Thomas Jefferson, at age 68 years, wrote the “Canons of Conduct” – 12 rules of living to his granddaughter, Cornelia Jefferson Randolph. Number 10 on that list has always intrigued me. It reads, “take things by their smooth handle.”  What does that mean?

According to the dailystoic.com, the expression is a sly reference to a passage from Epictetus. “Every event has two handles, one by which it can be carried, and one by which it can’t. If your brother does you wrong, don’t grab it by his wronging, because this is the handle incapable of lifting it. Instead, use the other—that he is your brother, that you were raised together, and then you will have hold of the handle that carries.” In other words, in any situation involving two parties in disagreement, you can approach it in a contentious way, adding to the disagreement, or you can seek a solution that meets the needs of all involved—in a spirit of cooperation. You can look for the “smooth handle.”

Though Epictetus was a stoic—not a Christian—the principle of “taking things by their smooth handle” is certainly affirmed by several passages of the Bible.

2 Timothy 2:23-24 (ESV) states, “Have nothing to do with foolish, ignorant controversies; you know that they breed quarrels. And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil.”

Romans 12:18 (ESV) reminds us, “If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.”

As J. Davy Crockett III, states in his article on “The Smooth Handle” at Tomorrowsworld.org, “Certainly, there is a time to stand one’s ground on matter of right and wrong, wisdom and foolishness. Yet even then, a calm but firm, reasoned approach will usually be more productive than rough inflammatory language delivered in a heated way.”

One of the best illustrations of this principle that I know takes place in the TV series “A Year in Provence.” In one episode, the lead character, an English gentleman who relocated to Provence, France decides to enter a local competition playing “boules” or bocce. He and another Englishman, who has lived in Provence a great deal longer, pair up to take on the locals. When the day of the match comes, the well-established Englishman does not show up to play. The new transplant can’t understand why his partner would stand him up. He calls the match, and the local hero wins by default.

Later, when he confronts his partner—who has been at home the whole day—his partner askes him a profound question. He asks, “What is it you really want?” Through discussion, the new transplant realizes that what he really wants isn’t to win the game. What he wants is the friendship of the locals. He wants to belong. And so, he learns from his partner that by losing gracefully to the locals, he develops friendships.

The rough handle is winning. In losing, he grabs the smooth handle—and gets what he truly wants—which is friendship.

This is a valuable lesson—worthy of deliberation as we go about our lives in a world that is increasingly divided.

If what we seek is peace, what is the smooth handle?

If what we seek is unity, what is the smooth handle?

We do not need to compromise our values. Rather, we need to pray for wisdom to learn how to best shine light on our values so that in seeing our values in action, others will desire their source—a relationship with the living Christ.

Though belief in Christ can divide one person from another—our part is to be like Andrew, introducing others to Christ.

The search for how to best make the introduction is always the search for the smooth handle.

And, this “lift” is the pathway to Life.