When you think of friendship, what comes to mind?  People who affirm you? Those with whom you can share your heart? Someone you could call in the dead of night—and they would be happy to help you?

I think each of those is true. And, such friends are rare.

But, what is even rarer is the friend who sees something even better in you than you see in yourself and wants you to be the best You. They see the person whom you truly are in Christ.

We see these friendships in several stories recorded in the Bible. One is the book of Job. Job, when Satan had taken nearly everything from him but his life, turns to his friends. His friends could have told him that the world was unfair and that he had been wronged. They could have told him to look at the bright side of life, that when he was this low, things could only get better. In other words, they could have been cheerleaders and tried to pump Job up.

But, they didn’t. They advised Job to really examine his life and see if there were transgressions in his background that could have led to this devastation. Their advice proved to be incorrect. But, they were demonstrating their true friendship with Job by not just trying to make him feel better. They wanted the best for him. They wanted him to find the root of his problems, for his ultimate good.

Jesus demonstrates this type of friendship with His disciples, gently correcting them and leading them to their best selves. Sometimes He is very direct, as when He rebukes Peter, saying “Get behind me Satan,” when Peter takes the world’s perspective instead of embracing God’s plan, as Jesus revealed it.

Other times, Jesus touches His disciples’ hearts through repeated kindness, such as the time when He asks Peter three times, “Do you love Me?’ and then gives Peter guidance each time Peter answers “Yes”.

Recently, a friend of mine who knows that I am searching for a church home, asked me a very probing question. Gently, she said, “I know you know this, but no church is perfect, right?” I really appreciated her question. She was very kindly telling me that I needed to see churches as the flawed institutions that they are. I do realize this, as my husband and I served churches together for 30 years. But, I felt that she was serving as a real friend in asking me to evaluate my motives.

Trevin Wax, in his article, “Sin-Coddlers Are Not True Friends” (The Gospel Coalistion.org, October 21, 2021) notes that “True Christian friends accept you despite your flaws, but they lead you to aspire to new moral heights. Acceptance and aspiration.”

He continues, “True Christian friends understand the pervasiveness and pull of sin. They’re not shocked by your misstep. They don’t make you feel worse than you already feel. They don’t heap judgment and guilt upon you. But neither do they excuse or minimize your sin. They see something better in you. They know the work of Christ and trust the power of the Spirit. They call you away from sin because they’re calling you to holiness, to Christlikeness, that marks your destiny.”

Sometimes, too, a good dose of humor is that spoonful of sugar that helps the medicine—the truth—go down.

There is a person whom I work with who, when he is preparing to disagree with someone or to point out a flaw in their thinking, will frequently joke, “Okay, I get to be that guy who tells _____ that he / she is wrong.” This invariably gets everyone to laugh because it is so true. We are reluctant to disagree with others, but when we drop our defenses and they drop theirs, people really do listen.

Wax concludes his article on true Christian friendship by noting, “Encouraging, not excusing. Courage, not coddling. That’s what friendship in a Christian key must look like.”

May we each have at least one true Christian friend!