When it comes to developing or maintaining relationships, one of the areas all people, but especially Christians, must be careful of is making assumptions, especially negative assumptions.
One incident in the book of Joshua illustrates the dangers associated with making assumptions. After the Jews conquered Canaan, the tribes of the east side of the Jordan River constructed an altar to God.
The Jewish tribes on the western side of the Jordan thought that what those on the eastern side had done violated the law God had given to Moses that only altars that God had commanded to be built by God.were permitted.
This apparent law breaking by the eastern tribes made the western tribes so angry that they gathered together at Shiloh to go to war against the eastern tribes.
But then, fortunately, they paused. The Bible tells us that the western tribes, “sent Phinehas son of Eleazar, the priest, to the land of Gilead—to the tribes of Reuben and Gad and the half-tribe of Manasseh. With him they sent one of the chief men from each of the tribes.
When they met with the eastern tribes, they said to them: “The whole assembly of the Lord says: ‘How could you break faith with the God of Israel like this? How could you turn away from the Lord and build yourselves an altar in rebellion against him now?” (Joshua 22: 13-17 NIV).
The leaders of the eastern tribes replied, “We did it for fear that some day your descendants might say to ours, ‘What do you have to do with the Lord, the God of Israel? The Lord has made the Jordan a boundary between us and you—you Reubenites and Gadites! You have no share in the Lord.’ So your descendants might cause ours to stop fearing the Lord.
“That is why we said, ‘Let us get ready and build an altar—but not for burnt offerings or sacrifices.’ On the contrary, it is to be a witness between us and you and the generations that follow, that we will worship the Lord at his sanctuary with our burnt offerings, sacrifices and fellowship offerings. Then in the future your descendants will not be able to say to ours, ‘You have no share in the Lord.’
“And we said, ‘If they ever say this to us, or to our descendants, we will answer: Look at the replica of the Lord’s altar, which our ancestors built, not for burnt offerings and sacrifices, but as a witness between us and you.’
“Far be it from us to rebel against the Lord and turn away from Him today by building an altar for burnt offerings, grain offerings and sacrifices, other than the altar of the Lord our God that stands before his tabernacle.” Joshua 22: 24 -29 NIV).
In other words, the eastern tribe built the alter as a memorial so that their descendent would forever recognize the true God as God over both sets of tribes. It was to serve as a reminder—not as a place for sacrifices, which would have been prohibited by God’s law.
With this explanation, the western leaders “were glad to hear the report and praised God. And they talked no more about going to war against them to devastate the country where the Reubenites and the Gadites lived. And the Reubenites and the Gadites gave the altar this name: A Witness Between Us—that the Lord is God.” (Joshua 22:33-34).
This is a perfect illustration of where our assumptions can lead us. In this case, the western tribes could have started a baseless war. But instead, they paused and went to seek the facts.
How often do we do the same?
How often do we create a story out of something we see or hear, without knowing the facts?
How much damage has this done to personal relationships? To churches? To nations?
Let us learn from this story. Let’s look at the events in our lives with eyes and hearts to anticipate the best. Let our first reaction not to be to “war” with each other. Let’s assume positive intent. And, then let’s gather the facts. Let’s hear the true story and not create our own version.
I will end with a modern-day example of the risk of making assumptions. I have heard this told by several ministers. This version is from David Riggs:
A woman was at an airport one night, waiting several long hours before her flight.
She bought a book in the airport gift shop,
She also bought a bag of cookies and found a place to sit down.
She was engrossed in reading her book.
Suddenly a man sitting beside her took a cookie from the bag in between them.
The woman tried to ignore it.
So she took a cookie from the bag and began eating it.
The man smiled at her and took another cookie from the bag.
She was getting more irritated.
So she took another cookie from the bag and ate it.
Again the man smiled and took a cookie for himself.
With each cookie she took, he took one too.
When only one cookie was left, she wondered what he would do.
With a smile on his face, and a nervous laugh, he took the last cookie and broke it in half.
He offered her half, as he ate the other.
She snatched it from him and thought...
“Oooh, brother. This guy has some nerve!”
She was glad when her flight was called.
She gathered her belongings and headed to the gate, refusing to look back at the man.
She boarded the plane and sat in her seat.
Then she looked for her book.
As she reached in her baggage, she gasped with surprise.
There was her bag of cookies.
“If mine are here,” she moaned in despair, “The others were his, and he tried to share.”
Assumptions. They can get the better of us!